NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
