We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Dear god my vagina.
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