Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
