He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize