I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
