The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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