It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
