my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
