The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
