Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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