The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
