So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
