maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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