dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
