SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
