I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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