In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
