I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
