I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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