your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
