fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize