Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i think i have herpe
just one?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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