my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
