my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize