life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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