Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
