What did we do last night that was yellow?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Found your dick twin last night
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
