i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Panties = found
Randomize
