Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
