i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
