he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
