when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
