ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
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