dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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