And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
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