3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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