he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
A+ Viking dick
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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