he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
