well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
i think my cat just said my name.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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