So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
God I need to hump something, right now.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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