i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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