Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
