apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
