Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
