new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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