i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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