He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
