pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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