i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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