...so i touched it.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
